Project Beauty

Most days my hair ends up tossed in a pony tail. I'm lucky if I get my face washed in the morning and at night. And make up? Am I going anywhere? If yes, then I do the basics: foundation, powder, mascara. If no, I brush my teeth and call it good. And yet, just before Brandon comes home, I find myself in the bathroom, touching up my hair so it looks presentable. Putting on make up if it didn't make it to my face that day.

That's my daily routine. And the joke of it all is on those days when forces of nature (i.e. my two boys) prevent me from doing much more than that pony tail and a clean face, those are the days when I get extra compliments from my husband. Usually I just wave them off. Give him an unconvinced thank you. Expressing silent gratitude that I have a husband who doesn't notice all that I do when I look in the mirror. Yet he continues on, with the most sincere face I've ever seen, telling me that he thinks I look most beautiful with no make up.

To that I reply, "How can you say that? You fell in love with me when my hair was always down in curls. My make up was always done." He shrugs his shoulders and says again that I look beautiful.

What is beauty? I looked it up. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition of:

beau·ty

 noun \ˈbyü-tē\

: the quality of being physically attractive

: the qualities in a person or a thing that give pleasure to the senses or the mind

: a beautiful woman

So last weekend when he left out of town for a work trip, I decided to prove him wrong. The boys were playing surprisingly well on their own in their room. So I got to work. Setting up my tripod and camera. And took a picture of every stage when I get ready for the day. So pride aside, here they are:

And I discovered I can't prove him entirely wrong. While yes I think that Stage 1 is a more frightful sight, can I call myself not beautiful? No. I can't. Do I like an evened skin stone in Stage 2 better? YES! And do I like the eye enhancement from Stage 3? Yes. From then on, the blush, lipstick, the curls. Sure a nice touch for pictures. Do I think them necessary for beauty? No.

So I couldn't prove Brandon completely wrong. I don't think I was completely wrong either. But I think how I define beauty in myself has been completely warped.

Before this whole process, I thought my beauty only came in Stage 6. No, my self-esteem is not low. And I'm not posting this in search for self-affirming comments that I'm beautiful. I AM trying to prove that there is beauty in all of us, no matter the stage of primping.

As I reread through this all so familiar Young Women's theme this morning, a recurring thought came into my mind. That beauty is not just an outer quality. That beauty can come from within. What more beauty is there than a daughter of God who lives all of those Young Women values.

Young Women Theme 

WE ARE DAUGHTERS of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love Him. WE WILL “STAND as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places” (Mosiah 18:9) as we strive to live the Young Women values, which are:

Faith • Divine Nature • Individual Worth • Knowledge • Choice and Accountability • Good Works • Integrity • and Virtue

WE BELIEVE as we come to accept and act upon these values, WE WILL BE PREPARED to strengthen home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, receive the ordinances of the temple, and enjoy the blessings of exaltation.

That is the root of beauty. The roots of happiness.

And all the people who have told me I am beautiful in my life, I hope have been seeing that. I just need to choose to see that portion of beauty too when I look in the mirror. To recognize the beauty our Father in Heaven recognizes in me. That my own children show me. When my near four year old son turns to me in the morning and says, "Mom, you are so beautiful." The giant good night hugs my near two year old gives me accompanied with mounds of giggles.

"There is beauty all around, when there's love at home." (Love at Home, Hymn 294)

And that is the beauty that matters to me most.

A New Journey

I never thought this day would come so soon. That I would upgrade my camera. Two years ago I began my journey. Well really two years ago in April, when the idea of photography entered into my brain. Can I be honest and tell you why I wanted to get into the DSLR world? I was outraged by how much photos cost. Sitting fees? Printing costs? And the big Photo release? All could easily add up to well over $100 and that’s maybe for only 15-20 poses. I just couldn't justify those costs year after year. There had to be a better solution. So my search of cameras online began.

My first camera was worth the investment. It was the highest grade, by any means, but it was exactly what I needed to learn. It provided me with a hobby. Something I very much needed after leaving many of our friends in Provo and no longer working as a Hall Advisor at BYU. Numerous trips were made to the library and I began to understand more and more about my camera and photo composition. Even more articles were read online.

Months turned into years and I have grown to love my camera. I’ve grown to love photography. I love capturing those small moments so I can hold onto them forever. I’ve discovered some areas of photography I love much more than others. Child photography and portraits are easily my favorite. Family sessions the most stressful. Newborns a challenge, but so rewarding. Lifestyle photography is yet another that I want to continue to develop. If only our apartment had better natural light!

Soon I started noticing the limitations of my camera. I began to outgrow it.

But when it came time to sell it, I became suddenly emotional. This camera had become more than a tool to me. But in some ways, this camera had allowed me to express my inner self in ways I never thought possible. And yes, I feel like a complete dork writing this out. But my camera holds so many memories for me. It represents the beginning of my journey.

Needless to say I am so glad that it’s going to someone I know. Somehow I feel more at peace knowing it will be cared for, appreciated, and learned from again. And I hope their journey in photography will be as positive as mine has been.

The search for a new camera was a big decision and I changed my mind on a daily basis. But I ended with a semi-professional grade camera that will also allow me to captured videos and photos of my boys. Increasing very much in quality of camera, I hope it lasts me for at least the next five years, if not longer.

While I have done photos for people in the past, my main focus still is my boys. I want to remain a stay at home mom. I still get so much anxiety when I take pictures for friends, and that’s not something I like to inflict on myself on a regular basis. Maybe one day I can turn business mode, when my kids are older. And when my stomach can handle it. But for now I am just ready to experience my new journey that this camera holds. I hope I can meet the challenge and grow. And I hope it will be just as rewarding.

 

Kessie's One Year Photo Shoot

Remember this precious baby?

She's already one!

I was so excited when her mom asked me to take her pictures again for her first birthday. I've decided that I think toddler photography is my favorite. It is challenging though. You can't ask a one year old to smile. Or look at the camera. Or sit.

But can I tell you one sweet story from our shoot?

We'd had hardly any smiles from Kessie. We'd tried favorite books, cheerio's, stuffed animals, peek a boo, etc and still weren't getting the smiles we wanted. Then her mom said, "I know what might work." She left to her daughter's room and returned with a portrait of the Savior. Kessie lit up, smiled and repeated "Je Je" over and over.

It was a sweet, tender moment. One that I will never forget. Every night her parents point to the picture and tell her it is Jesus. She had recently learned to say it along with them. What great example of parents who raise their children in the Light of Christ.

Anyways I'll load three segments from our photos shoot: Color, Black and White, and Cross Processed photos. I think they all offer a different feel, and I'm really happy with how everything turned out. Only trouble is I was only able to edit down to 74 photos. Then with all the extra cross editing, it comes to just over 200 photos. It's so hard for me to be the decision maker and say, this photo looks better than this one and then cut a still good photo. But more is generally better. It just took longer to edit. Sorry Kessie's family! Hopefully they're worth the wait. Thanks for sharing your sweet angel with me for a couple of hours.

Give Thanks Photo Challenge

A new friend in my ward at church posted on her blog that she was doing a photo challenge (via Instagram) in November to show her gratitude. I've decided I'd like to do that too this month. What a fun, visual way to show my gratitude this month. Hopefully I can stick with it and I can post here every couple of days. Here's the list (I've got to catch up some):

1. Favorite Food
2. Something I can't live without
3. Bedtime Ritual
4. Family time
5. Family member
6. Captured Time
7. Household item
8. Beauty is
9. Happiness is
10. A Stranger
11. Clothing item
12. Favorite read
13. A gift
14. A blessing
15. Dinnertime
16. Technology
17. Relaxing
18. My work
19. I adore
20. Memory
21. Something old
22. Inspiring person
23. Favorite quote
24. A goal
25. Light
26. Unconditional Love
27. Quiet moment 
28. Hobby
29. A past time
30. You pick!